I’m so sorry that happened to u, I don’t think I ever have related to some one more. This is so refreshing to see others share similar experiences.
Mine started when I was 14 and I’m 16 now so, I was always ashamed about it because I never had a problem or a disorder or anxiety. I just got into these like waves of sadness and just felt the urge. I never told anyone because I was one afraid they would do something about it and it would ruin everything and secondly I didn’t believe it was real, I thought I was just doing it for attention. Idk why I started but I did and have been off and on since. I was clean for a long time but as of today am restating that clock. I understand a lot more about why I do it but I don’t get It, I haven’t been abused or hurt or bullied or anything I’ve lived a good fulfilling life, and yet I can’t seem to cope with it. I’ve told one person my best friend but I don’t think I will ever tell anyone else. Because I feel like if I do they would look at me differently and I don’t want that. Also if u are struggling remember life gets better and relapse is apart of the process, and tell someone even if its just one person It could help!